House of Commons,

Wednesday, 28 December 2022

Dear Lee Anderson,

I can only imagine what a surprise it must have been to be recognised by your parliamentary colleagues, and elevated to the glorious status of best Conservative backbench member of parliament this last week. I can also imagine that it came as something of a surprise to many other people too, in all walks of life, who have been watching your meteoric career, from a boulder-wielding Labour councillor trying to disrupt the lives of ordinary people going about their business, to a verbally-limited Conservative member of parliament, helping to destroy countless lives through a series of votes which would make any dictator, any hater of the common folk, proud.

The greatest surprise for me has been that your colleagues recognise you at all, despite the infamous demands made on ordinary people to suck it all up and feed themselves on thirty pence a day, or the belief that poverty-stricken children, now not entitled to free school meals thanks to your refusal to see reality, are lazy fools who can neither budget their thirty pence, nor cook. Normally I would have expected them to be more concerned with preening over their own public appearances, their chances of writing parking fees and the cost of visiting a foodbank off on expenses, of stuffing themselves with the best subsidised food an elite unfettered by the woes of the day can afford. But, to be honest, it is not that much of a surprise after all when one looks at the competition. The bar has been set unimaginably low, and anyone who can crawl under the accepted level of honesty, level-headedness, and intelligence is bound to come up high on the list. You, it would appear, are a master at being the lowest form, and I congratulate you on managing to sink so low and be acknowledged as such.

Yours sincerely,